By MAUREEN DOWD
07/16/07 "New York Times" --- - There's not much lately
that we'd like to import from China.
Certainly not the yummy steamed buns stuffed with shredded
cardboard soaked in a caustic agent used to make soap. Or
the tasty toothpaste laced with an antifreeze ingredient. Or
the scrumptious seafood with a chemical kick. Or those pet
foods with kibbles and bits of poison.
But there is one thing made in China we could use: mea
culpas of high officials.
Zheng Xiaoyu, a top regulator who helped create China's Food
and Drug Administration, accepted $850,000 in bribes from
drug companies and became enmeshed in the mistakes that
flooded the market with dangerous drugs. Before he was
executed Tuesday, he wrote a short confession titled "How I
Look on My Mistakes."
'Thinking back on what has happened these years, I start to
see the problems clearly,' he wrote in prison. 'Why are the
friends who gave me money all the bosses of pharmaceutical
companies" Obviously because I was in charge of drug
"I am confessing here that I loosened self-discipline,
ignored the bottom line,? he said, adding that he had to
confess his mistakes ?as an act of saving my soul."
"We would skip the execution " although perhaps there should
be ranch arrest for W., and Cheney could do community
service passing out condoms at Gay Pride festivals.
But it is time for the lethally inept duo running the
country to do some painstaking self-examination and
confession. Just as the Communist Party helped the late Mr.
Zheng compose his thoughts, I volunteer to ghost-write our
"How I Look on My Mistakes," by George W. Bush
The people trusted me with an important position. I didn't
live up to expectations. I let Dick supersize the executive
branch and cast Democrats as whiners and traitors. Why did I
not suspect that Dick might be power-hungry when he
appointed himself vice president? Why did I let him take
over my presidency and fill it up with warmongers' I was so
afraid to be called a wimp, as my father once was, I allowed
Dick and Rummy to turn me into a wimp. I should never have
allowed Dick to conspire with energy lobbyists and steer
contracts to Halliburton. A tip-off should have been when
Dick kept giving himself all the same powers that I had. Or
when he outed that pretty lady spy.
If only I had kept my promise to go after the thugs who
attacked us on 9/11, because now I?ve made Osama and Al
Qaeda stronger. I know my false claim about Al Qaeda's ties
with Iraq led to Iraq's being tied down by Al Qaeda. I see
now that my bungled war on terror has created more terror,
empowered Iran and made America less secure. Oh, yeah, and
I'm sorry I broke the military.
I stained the family honor when I ignored the elders of the
Iraq Study Group. I should not have worried that I would be
seen as kowtowing to my dad's friends. The Oval Office is
not the right place for a teenage rebellion.
I should not have picked that dimwit Brownie, and I should
have trusted the gut of anyone besides that goof-off
Chertoff to keep the nation safe. And what was I thinking
when I said Harriet Miers should be a Supreme Court justice?
That was loony. I'm sorry I made the surgeon general mention
my name three times on every page of his speeches. That was
How could I have let Dick bring in his best friend, Rummy,
my dad's old nemesis' Dummy Rummy let Osama escape at Tora
Bora, messed up the Iraq occupation and aborted a mission to
wipe out top Al Qaeda leaders because he was protecting
Musharraf, who was protecting Al Qaeda in the tribal areas.
Even though I promised to get rid of dictators who helped
terrorists, I ended up embracing a Pakistani dictator who
I'm embarrassed that the Iraqi Parliament is taking a
monthlong vacation in the middle of my surge. Could I have
set a bad example when I rode my bike in Crawford while New
I'm sorry I keep pretending Iraq will get better if we stay
longer. It wasn?t very nice of me to push the surge when I
knew it couldn't work. I just wanted to dump the defeat on
my successor. I wish Hillary the best of luck.
If I had left the gym long enough to read about Algeria or
even one of T. E. Lawrence?s Seven Pillars of Wisdom, then I
might have not gotten bogged down in Iraq and let North
Korea, China and Russia slide.
Being the Decider is so confusing. I regret stealing the
presidency and wish I could give it back.
'How I Look on My Mistakes,' by Dick Cheney
Copyright 2007 The New York Times Company
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