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The Costs of Freedom
Five years of this war, and no end in sight.
By Monica Benderman
20/03/08 "ICH"
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I received an email from a friend in Iraq. She was asking me to
sign a petition and distribute it as widely as possible. Young
Iraqi refugee girls were being forced into prostitution in
Syria. She was working to draw attention to their situation and
hoped for a global response of help for them.
What can be said about this? I signed the petition and passed it
along. I’ll talk about it with those who will listen. The young
girls hope things change – I would not want to give them a false
sense of hope. Are you willing to pay the cost of their freedom?
I received a phone call from a man representing a publicity
organization preparing a press release for the anniversary of
the war. He was looking for a quote from us about the war.
What is left to be said? When things have been repeated over and
over; when the subject has been broached in as many different
ways as possible in the hope that different voices might finally
reach the people – what is left to be said?
My quote – “These past five years have been nothing but wasted –
wasted lives, wasted money, wasted breath, and wasted time.”
Emptiness took over where I had tried to put feeling, and as I
thought about the war and what this man was asking, the
emptiness became very dark, frustrating, and cold. I have hope
for my life – I make my choices and live knowing I will deal
with the consequences of my choices – therein lies my freedom. I
know well what freedom costs, and I am willing to pay.
In the years before the war I lived a different life – not a
military life, but one in which I learned just how little the
veterans who served this country really did receive in the way
of valid support for what they had given in the name of justice
and civic responsibility. People criticized them for having
served and others praised them. But few people ever seemed to
make the real effort to support the sacrifice the veterans had
made to help move us all closer to peace; a peace the veterans
stood on the frontlines for, so that those behind the scenes
might be able to do the work needed to see that the roots of
that peace took hold. I worked to facilitate the care of
veterans, World War II, Korea, even those from Viet Nam – I
listened to their stories and those of their families. I saw war
from the outside looking in.
In the last five years, I have come to see the real cost of
freedom up close and personal. I have lived it every single day
of my life, oftentimes twenty four hours of each day. I lived
the days while my husband was stationed in a combat zone and I
received no word from him for months on end. I lived the days
when he returned and I saw someone home who seemed far removed
from the man who left. I lived the days when the anger inside
him grew – at times becoming a fearsome rage emanating from a
man I seemed to have never known. I lived the days when that
anger grew so quiet even the breathing was hard to hear and the
silence became a darkness no light was strong enough to pervade.
I lived as my husband struggled against a corrupt command, an
abusive leadership who refused to do what was right to ensure
the soldiers who had entrusted their lives to this command were
given the care and respect they needed for their service. I
lived through his anger as he reached out to do what he could to
call attention to what was needed to bring about the change he
and those he served with knew was needed. The soldiers were
doing all they could. They volunteered to defend their
constitution, a leadership abused the commitment the soldiers
made and the laws of this country bound our soldiers, trapping
them into a service that no longer represented the duty for
which they had enlisted.
For some, conscience stepped in. I lived as my husband made the
most difficult decision he has ever had to make – and all I
could do was tell him I would do what I could to be there for
him, to help him with the choice he made – I said I would not
leave. I didn’t want him to return to war, I could see what the
effect of war was doing to him – not the combat tour, but the
lack of responsibility anyone in a leadership role felt they had
to the oath of service they had taken. In the end, my husband
made his choice, and spent the past three years in a different
war; a war for his conscience. The first year of this battle was
spent in jail.
The cost of freedom is the price real people pay to stand by
their word even when corrupt individuals abuse the very laws
they have taken a sworn oath to follow.
The cost of freedom is the price real people pay when these
corrupt individuals are placed in leadership positions with no
intention of leading with any sense of honesty or commitment to
truth; and yet people continue to stand with integrity and
dignity for the principles in which they believe.
The cost of freedom is the price real people pay when men and
women forget their humanity, believing their power lies in their
ability to amass material wealth: when their success is defined
by how much they have, not how well they live; and yet people
continue to face their adversaries with respect for their own
lives and purpose.
The cost of freedom is the price real people pay when their
strength is held in servitude to those who have little strength
of their own – and in their role as cowardly leaders seek to
control the strength of those who serve with a sense of
obligation that becomes so overwhelming there seems to be no way
out other than to bow to the false authority; and yet people
continue to stand strong knowing someday the tables will turn.
I know the cost of freedom. I know the price that must be paid.
I know the power of the evil domination that threatens to
overwhelm the hope that is left in this country.
I know how much this false power has to lose when people finally
see the light and stand against it. I know with that much to
lose, the corrupt leadership of this false power will do
anything they must to maintain control over the illusion they
have come to love. They will destroy life, claiming it to be a
sacrifice in defense of life. They will destroy the financial
base of a country, claiming the money is needed to keep that
country free. They will destroy the unity of the people which
makes the country strong; keeping us divided with talk of racial
disharmony, sexist abuse, class inferiority, all the while
insisting on the power of unity.
The cost of freedom is the strength it takes to stand against a
current of adversity and stay committed to principle – the
strength to keep one’s word.
The cost of freedom is what happens to a man when he faces the
anger and the rage of a machine he has dared to speak against –
one man, one human being – relying on the strength of his heart
against a mechanized adversary with no conscience. The price is
that man’s conscience in a victory for the machine if he has
nothing to hold on to giving him hope that his struggle will one
day result in something more than mere survival.
I have lived while wars have been fought. I have lived when the
anger and regret for giving up the illusion of success granted
by servitude to the machine has become uncontrollable in a man
trained to keep his emotions in check, as he struggles to
survive in a place society promised would be better than the
illusion if he would only leave it. Promises shouldn’t be given
if there is no intention that they will be kept.
I have lived full of reassurances – offering the hope
desperately needed – insisting that the machine can be beaten if
we just stand together facing it without giving in. The
difference, the machine doesn’t breathe, or eat, or sleep – the
machine doesn’t know doubt, the fear of failure, or the sense of
worthlessness at taking one’s family to the brink of disaster
for a stand on principle that seems to have so little meaning in
a society where illusion has the power.
What we, as a nation of citizens of conscience, have allowed to
happen is incomprehensible in terms of the costs to humanity.
Five years and counting, and the conscience of this nation has
gone into hiding as we hear those in our leadership positions
seeking to reassure us that their deplorable actions as human
beings actually have any real value in moving us all closer to
peace and justice in the world.
There is nothing our leadership has done that has value to
anyone but themselves and there is nothing left to say to a
nation of citizens who can’t seem to figure out that the freedom
they demand takes diligent responsibility, real effort and a
sacrifice of life few seem willing to pay.
It’s not about dying on the battlefield – freedom demands
something far more difficult. It’s about living with conviction
– the courage to stand on principle knowing the consequences
will be stiff, and at times quite painful.
Death for freedom is a cowardly concept, and to believe in our
leadership when they tell us of the noble honor in dying to
defend our freedom is to live as cowards believing in an
illusion destined to destroy our humanity.
Freedom takes strength; strength those in our leadership
positions fear – for it is a strength they can only borrow from
others. They lack the understanding of reality needed to acquire
such strength for themselves. The kind of strength freedom
demands is not found in lies, manipulations, secrecy and
deception; the lifestyle an illusion of power must have to
continue. The strength of freedom comes from living what we know
to be true and doing so against all odds.
Those who claim to lead us now are nothing more than cowards
hoping the people of this nation do not wake up and realize the
strength they have – in conscience. Conscience requires a hard
look into the eyes of reality - it’s not an easy road, but
freedom is worth the effort.
I know the cost of freedom and I am willing to pay. Are you?
Monica, and her husband, Sgt. Kevin Benderman, a ten-year Army
veteran who served a combat tour in Iraq and a year in prison
for his public protest of war, continue to work within their
community for peace. They may be reached at
mdawnb@coastalnow.net
. Their book “Letters From Ft. Lewis Brig” is now available at
bookstores and through Lyons Press. Please visit their website,
www.BendermanDefense.org to learn more.
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