If there really were a Democratic Party...

'If there really were a Democratic Party...'

By Rich Procter:

06/16/03: (Smirking Chimp) Let's fantasize for just a second, and pretend - I know this is stretch, but stay with me - that another political party existed in the United States, besides the radical-right Corpro-Republicans. As long as we're visiting La-La-Land, let's call this political party the "Democrats." If there really were such a thing as the Democratic Party...

1) BUSH WOULD HAVE TO PAY A PRICE FOR BEING "FUND-RAISER IN CHIEF." Gosh, remember those dear dead days of the Clinton Administration, when outraged Republicans would scream about Clinton's "shakedowns" of donors? Remember when "the Lincoln Bedroom was for sale"? Now Bush is out there grabbing every corporate fat cat in America by the ankles and shaking him till the fillings in his teeth fall out. Bush is going to raise 200 MILLION DOLLARS from the folks he's giving "no-bid" contracts to, so they can (bwaa haa haa) "re-build" Iraq...from the folks who are pillaging the environment...from the folks who are raking in record profits and thumbing their nose at the poor, stupid taxpayers, since their "corporate headquarters" is a mail box in the Bahamas.

If there really were a Democratic Party, this party would park itself outside every Bush fundraiser and create a media event that would point out two things - Bush is the biggest fundraising whore in history, and whenever he's fundraising, HE'S NOT RUNNING THE COUNTRY. Isn't the President supposed to be, you know, working? Gee, seems like there's plenty on his plate to deal with - Iraq, deficit, Middle East. Shouldn't he be in the White House? Ya think?

2) THE BUSHIES WOULD BE CRUCIFIED BY UNRELENTING, HIGHLY PUBLICIZED INVESTIGATIONS. Just because we'll never have our Kenneth Starr to turn Bush's life into a living hell doesn't mean the Democrats (if they existed) couldn't investigate Bush, and give the press handy "electronic press kits" with the results of these investigations. If the Democrats really existed, they'd have "hit teams" out there creating these investigative "press kits" on the Bush-Enron connection...on the Bush-AWOL story...on the Bush-Deficit Scandal...and most importantly, on the BUSH LIES THAT STAMPEDED US INTO WAR IN IRAQ, and needlessly killed thousands of people.

The wingnuts, god bless them, never let a little thing like the truth dim the volume of their Mighty Wurlitzer. If the Democrats existed, they might learn from the Republicans - KEEP THE PRESSURE ON. ATTACK EVERY NEWS CYCLE. NEVER LET UP. And these Democrats would have the added advantage of having the truth on their side!

3) 10,OOO BILLBOARDS ACROSS AMERICA WOULD SCREAM "BUSH LIED, SOLDIERS DIED." Each billboard would carry a picture of one of our servicemen who perished in this needless war. The Democrats shouldn't sponsor this effort themselves - they need one of those great Orwellian names the Republicans love so much, like "American Patriots for Truth and Justice."

4) ELECTRONIC BILLBOARDS IN EVERY MAJOR CITY WOULD BE TOTING UP "YOUR GRANDCHILD'S SHARE OF THE BUSH DEFICIT." We'd all see those numbers ratcheting upward in real time. Local Democratic candidates would have a great visual to stand in front of, for campaign commercials. And the biggest billboard would have to be right in front of Tom DeLay's re-election headquarters.

5) SENATORS WOULD GLEEFULLY FILIBUSTER BUSH'S WINGNUT JUDGE CANDIDATES. Instead of being defensive and answering questions about subverting "the will of our President," the Democrats would use these radical right wing, way-out-of-the-mainstream nutcase Judges as a primary fund-raising tool. They would CELEBRATE filibustering them, and turn Orrin Hatch's words on him DAILY - "BRING ME MODERATES!" At every press conference and in every sound-bite, these (fantasy) Democrats would say, "No more Scalia-Thomas true believers! No more racist troglodyte homophobic megaphones for the radical right! We won't be mugged again!"

6) EVERY VOTING MACHINE WOULD LEAVE A PAPER TRAIL. How tough is this one? We're dealing with a group of deluded radical wingnuts (Ashcroft, DeLay, Santorum) who believe that their allegiance to the Church of Falwell transcends their duty to the American Constitution. Do you doubt for one second that these self-righteous yahoos are going to think twice about hiring a 15-year-old hacker to jigger the software in new cyber-voting machines, to make sure they win? Like they probably already did in 2002?

7) THE BUSHIES WOULD BE SCARED TO DEATH TO HOLD THEIR CONVENTION AT GROUND ZERO IN SEPTEMBER 2004. Imagine this visual - as Bush is being 'anointed' in the Republican Political Convention Television Spectacular, 2 MILLION PROTESTORS are in the streets of New York, yelling "OVER OUR DEAD BODIES." HOW DARE THEY POLITICIZE this tragedy? But they will, because there's no organized political party with the courage to stop them.

I'm always amazed when Republicans warn Democrats they'd "better not" attack Bush, because he's so popular. He's popular, because the Democrats don't have the guts to attack him in that aggressive, partisan, effective way PERFECTED by the radical-right wingnut division of the Republican Party. If the Democrat Party existed, they'd learn from these guerrilla tactics, and ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK. Bush is sooooooooo vulnerable on so many fronts, the Democrats could take him down easily.

If they existed.

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