America is Pretty Much a Dictatorship Now

The View from Wheeling: A Twleve-Toed Analysis

By Fred Reed

July 17, 2018 "Information Clearing House" Iím trying to figure out politics. Itís slow going. Iím just a holler hopper out of West Virginia, and I guess I puzzle easy. Maybe you can help me.

I reckon America is pretty much a dictatorship now. Itís because one man, just one, does anything he wants to other countries and to us and everything else. I mean, he starts trade wars, to make everything cost more, which I donít remember anybody voting for.  Maybe I just wasnít paying attention, though. He sends troops to Africa without telling anybody if he feels like it, which he mostly does. I guess somebody somewhere must want our troops in Africa, but I donít know anybody who does.

Then he  puts sanctions on all the countries heís heard of, which probably isnít many, but maybe has a map to find new ones. You know, like Nambia. He obeys Israel like it was his mother, and wants a war with Eye-ran so heíll get campaign money in New York, and wants a fight with places like China, and Russia too.

Now thatís smart. I bet you wake up at night and think, Dear God, please let us have a war with China, so we can all melt into chicken fat or at least Walmart wonít have anything to sell. Think how much money people would save.

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Me, I reckon heís crazier than a bag of monkeys and, like they say in Alabama, ainít got the sense God give a crabapple. Maybe thatís just me, though. The big question is do we get turned into pork rinds in a nuclear fry-up,  or just starve in a trade war? We donít know . I donít guess itís our business. 

On one of those nature shows on TV I saw something about about the  endangered Giant Yellow Crested Cockatoon and how it makes nests in cities. I donít know why I thought of that.

Itís a funny dictatorship, though if you think about dictatorships. Itís a crafty one, not too ugly from inside, until the fry-up anyway, sort of like a movie about that guy Orwell if Disney did it. It seems like weíve got freedom but no power. Thatís really slick. Any mosquito will tell you itís better to suck blood from something that doesnít notice youíre doing it.

At the baptist church down the road, the preacher, heís the Reverend McBilly Osfeiser, he says the End Times are about here. What he said was, ďVerily I say unto ye, brethren and sistern, the Last Tribulation is upon us. for in Revelation chapter 8, verses 3-5, saith the Lord, ďFrom the deeps of Sheol a creature shall arise, with the head of a carrot and the body of a man, and he shall smite the nations of the earth, even unto the Stromatolites and Erythrocytes, and none shall remain unsmited, and they shall smite him back, and the world shall end.Ē

Well, I think thatís what he said. Anyway, he might of said it.

But we were talking about our dictatorship.  I was going to say, then thereís Congress, thatís neutered like somebodyís pet dog and only cares about itself. Thatís just how Congress is. Itís hard to tell what itís for anymore.

A lot of people in it donít seem right in the head.  There this woman named Elizabeth Warren who thinks she an Indian. Well, I think Iím a French Poodle. Thereís as much evidence. I donít know whether she wears feathers or anything, maybe a belt with scalps on it. Then thereís Nancy Pelosi, who canít make her eyes point in the same direction at once. And thereís Maxine Waters, who sticks her tongue out at people like she want to catch flies. I figure with people like that, there ought to be room for a French Poodle. I could have a dog bowl for bribes and bark every little bit for authenticity.

Part of our newfangled  dictatorship is the telescreen, television I meant to say, and the newspapers, that never talk about anything they donít want you to think about.  Well, what they do is every few weeks, probably on Saturday night when everybody is out drinking beer and not watching, they put in about a sentence and a half about one of Washingtonís wars, with no pictures of dead kids spread around like marmalade on buttered toast. That way they can say theyíre covering the wars. They know people donít remember anything they hear just once if thereís no pictures. But if you tell them twelve thousand times that Russia is poisoning orphans in Utah, theyíll believe it, even if Utah doesnít have any orphans, and they have to truck a few in so they can look poisoned. Then everybodyíll want a war with Russia. Then you can get more money from them to build aircraft carriers. Some German guy figured it out.

The government doesnít want people to think too much.  It might give them brain cancer. So once in a while they have elections like mixed martial arts or a really good bar fight, fun to watch but donít mean anything. One rascal wins and people whoop and holler but afterward itís hard to tell which rascal won because there wasnít enough difference between them to shine light through. Anyway, they always do what the power and money wants.

In Mexico, the rascals give people a hamburger to vote for them. Itís a better system. I mean, a  hamburger is better than nothing, which is what Americans get out of elections.

The reason Washington has to blow up the world is China. If what I hear is true, China  is just full of people. I mean, theyíre just all over the place. That would be all right, if they left it at that. But it turns out those squinty-eyed scoundrels are smart, too, and mostly engineers, Thereís more of them than of almost any kind of people except may in India, and they study pretty much  all day.

That might be all right too if they left well enough alone, but they donít. They make stuff and sell it, and make money and the people that used to be pea-turkey poor have food and flat screens and China is getting rich. Washington doesnít like that because it canít figure out how to make money because itís buying aircraft carriers and so it just prints money instead of having a real economy. Itís called counterfeiting and it seems like the rest of the world is catching on to it. So thatís why we got to have a war while Washington might still win, but most likely weíll broil like beetles in a bug-zapper. So when it happens youíll know why, but youíll have to think fast.

Fred, a keyboard mercenary with a disorganized past, has worked on staff for Army Times, The Washingtonian, Soldier of Fortune, Federal Computer Week, and The Washington Times.

He has been published in Playboy, Soldier of Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Harperís, National Review, Signal, Air&Space, and suchlike. He has worked as a police writer, technology editor, military specialist, and authority on mercenary soldiers. He is by all accounts as looney as a tune.

The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Information Clearing House.


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