uly 22, 2019 "Information Clearing House" - WASHINGTON — In a daring pre-dawn raid this morning, 135 million Mexicans and Central Americans stormed over the border at El Paso, roared up Interstate 10, and broke into the White House. There, they tore President Donald J. Trump from the arms of his daughter, Ivanka, then carried him off to a makeshift detention facility alongside the Reflecting Pool at the Washington, DC, National Mall.

The president did not go quietly. “I told you liberal losers that these beano-people were invading,” Mr. Trump was heard to scream as he was held down during a body cavity search. “Maybe now you’ll listen. No way this is happening to a great looking, extremely stable genius!”

Subcomandante Jorge, leader of the 135 million interlopers, acknowledged, via Twitter, that this is indeed an invasion of the United States of America. “But what is wrong with invasions?” tweeted the Subcomandante. “After all, you Americanxs of el Norte owe the existence of your country to several of them.”

The subcomandante then tweeted a disarming photo of himself, puffing on a cigar and wearing a red “Make the Americas Indigenous Again” beret, tilted rakishly to one side. An hour later, in an interview on “The Today Show,” the subcomandante explained, “Over the centuries, we have seen that the best way to survive is to learn from you, our conquerors. You invade, enslave, exterminate, and then you say you have created a democracy. Very well. This is our turn.”

Gazing masterfully into the eyes of smitten “Today” host Savannah Guthrie, Subcomandante Jorge claimed the entire United States of America and all who dwell here for Quetzalcapitl, Mesoamerican god of settler colonialism and impulse buying. Personifying the true meaning of “presidenti­al,” the subcomandante, then ordered his troops to round up all members of the Trump administration, separate them from their children, and take them to camps for delousing.