Legion of the Tinfoil Hat
Conspiracy theories hold charm for such as
I, who regard them as we might a species of
rare insectivorous marsupials who glow in
the dark, and for the conspiracy theorists
themselves, who seem to derive from
their conditions a satisfying sense of
esoteric penetration. Yet they become
wearisome by constant repetition. Some have.
In particular, Nine/Eleven. In the following
we will ignore the more abundantly silly
theories, such as that there were no Jews in
the Towers on the day of the attacks. Some
time of Nine/Eleven, I was living in
Colonial Village in Virginia, a few hundred
yards from the Virginia terminus of Key
Bridge. The bike path ran from there
parallel to the Potomac past the Pentagon
and National Airport to the Washington
Sailing Marina. On the wooden deck
overlooking the water a concession sold
snacks and Budweiser. A mixed group of
oddballs foregathered daily to socialize.
was Dave Winslow, whom we called Broadcast
Dave to distinguish him from a couple of
other Daves, Winslow having been involved in
radio broadcasting in an earlier life. We
often swapped journalism stories. His
apartment was nearby. The day after the
Pentagon blew up, he recounted being at
home, hearing a plane coming in unusually
low, looking out the window, and seeing the
tail flash by, boom.
much for conspiracy theories about the Air
Force attacking the Pentagon with a
Fred, this guy was part of the conspiracy.
Don’t you see?… Or oh my God, I see it now.
Fred, YOU are part….
Winslow, actually a robot sent by the
Trilateral Commission, and planted at the
Washington Sailing Marina years earlier to
deceive me about seeing the airplane. It was
really a missile. My photo.
missiles are tricky to discuss because of
the lack of specificity. What missile,
fired from what? Most of the theorists
couldn’t tell a TLAM from a back hoe.
Reflect that firing an air-to-ground
missile, probably a Hellfire and launched
perhaps from an F16, would involve a lot of
people: pilot, ground crew, weapons-storage
bureaucracy, base commander, and so on.
Those in on it would talk to others, even if
ordered not to. A loadout of live munitions
inside the US is very odd except for
carefully scripted training missions. Those
involved would talk to others. They might
think, “Hmmm, F16 take off with Hellfire,
come back no Hellfire. Where go Hellfire?
Pentagon blow up. Heap strange.”
Fred, it was a super-secret outfit
especially trained to attack the United
States. Nobody has ever heard of them which
proves they are supersecret….
missile was a Tomahawk launched from a ship
the whole crew would know of the launch.
Many mouths, much talk. It would take a very
odd captain to fire a cruise missile at the
Fred, the crew and the officers and men
are in on the conspiracy.
Tomahawk Land-Attack Missile, presumably
what the conspiracy people mean, if they
have any idea what they mean, when they say
Flight AA77, which didn’t fly into the
Pentagon. There are three possibilities:
the fight never existed. The entire travel
industry would know this, along with
everyone else having access to Sabre, the
ticketing system. American Airlines would
scream like a scalded dog at this total
fabrication, There would be no insurance
claim on record for loss of the plane, and
Fred, the entire travel industry, along with
everyone else having access to Sabre, and
American Airlines, are part of the
Second, Flight AA77 existed, and landed
wherever it was supposed to. In this case
the entire travel industry, American
Airlines, the undead passengers, and so on,
would have pointed this out. The press would
have jumped on it.
Fred, the entire press corps and the
passengers were part of the conspiracy.
Everyone knows this….
Actually, they have a point. The entire
press corps must be complicit,
since five phone calls would have sufficed
whether the flight had existed or
Third: AA77 ran into the Pentagon.
Twin Towers were brought down not by
airplanes, but by a controlled demolition.
Possibility one: There were no airplanes.
The airplanes we saw on television were done
in Final Cut or other software. I have seen
videos claiming this. Let’s think about it.
Shortly after the nonexistent planes did not
ram the Towers, every television screen in
Manhattan showed smoking impacts. Now, what
were the most visible objects in the city?
Probably the Twin Towers. What would be the
reaction of everyone in New York watching
the screen? Answer: Run out to look for
themselves. All millions of them would
notice that the screens didn’t match the
buildings. They didn’t point this out, which
can only mean that….
you fool, don’t you see that the entire
population of Manhattan is part of the
Possibility two: There were
controlled detonation. Why
the redundancy is not clear. The explosives
were secretly placed, meaning that the
entire security and maintenance staff were
complicit, until some airplanes could be
found to run into the buildings. Ockham,
call your office….
we have already established that the
military blew up the Pentagon, it being
characteristic of militaries to blow
themselves up, we must assume that the
military also was part of the conspiracy of
the Twin Towers. That is, it seems unlikely
that purely by chance the Pentagon decided
to blow itself up and somebody else did the
Towers the same day.
Possibility three: The
buildings were brought down by
let us consider the controlled demolition
itself. What is involved in a real
a firm that does such demolition:
March 26, 2000, the firm used 4,450 pounds
of dynamite placed in 5,905 carefully sited
holes and 21.6 miles (34.8 km) of detonation
cord inserted over a period of four months
to take down the 25,000-ton concrete roof of
the Kingdome in Seattle, Washington in 16.8
Trade Centers singly or in combination, plus
Building Seven, represented a far larger
project. A pawn of the government like
myself might wonder how tons and tons of
explosives could be placed in a fully
occupied building without anyone’s noticing.
Those doing the placing would have to have
been fully qualified and highly experienced
in controlled demolition. (How many of these
are there, and how hard to find?)
though, the occupants of the Towers just
weren’t paying attention. New Yorkers are
famous for a tight focus on business. A
businessman thinking about an international
contract might easily not notice piles of
rubble in the corridors, walls torn out,
countless men attaching bundles of girders,
the screech of saws cutting partway through
steel to weaken it, and endless elevator
loads of explosives in packages labeled “Sex
books” to prevent suspicion.
imagine Marylou Nicodemi, a legal secretary,
asking a man tearing down the wall of her
office: “What are you guys doing?”
the exterminators, ma’am. We’ve had
complaints of rats.”
Are you going to do this to the entire
ma’am. Rats re devious creatures. If you
don’t fight them on the lower floors, you
have to fighter them on the upper floors. We
have no choice.”
Realistically, the occupants of the towers
would have to have noticed–from which we
must conclude that….
they were part of the conspiracy.
you don’t understand the lengths ….
some of the conspiracy sites I have read
that actually the security guards planted
the explosives in a manner requiring little
or no wiring, no damage to the building, and
few explosives. Not only were they expert at
demolitions, admittedly the norm among
janitors, but much better at it than
Controlled Demolition Inc.
they are Illuminati, Residual Cathars,
Thirty-Fifth Degree Masons, and they train
in a secret base in Atlantis, with Lex
Running through all of this
of people would be involved, yet none have
come forward and blown the scam. You don’t
obtain many tons of explosives without
leaving a paper trail. The multitudinous
security people in the Towers would all have
to have been carefully placed there in
advance, as even one informant would have
blown the whole thing. The government would
have to be complicit, given that the FBI
could easily have tracked down the security
Fred, they are all….
Here is the First Law of
conspiracy theories, that to protect the
theory you have to expand it. The press is a
good example. Any reporter would slit the
throats of his entire newsroom to break
story. Instant Pulitzer, national fame, huge
book contracts, a movie, choice of jobs
anywhere. The paper that did it would have
the story of the century. It would have been
easy. Think Seymour Hersh.
nobody did it. The only explanation is,
again, that the entire press corps….
Fred, a keyboard mercenary with a
disorganized past, has worked on staff for
Army Times, The Washingtonian, Soldier of
Fortune, Federal Computer Week, and The